Breathe Me
by caliisa
Summary: Jake/Bella. "I have lost myself again. Lost myself and I am no where to be found" - Takes place during New Moon. "I've always been overlooked, she never took much interest in what I actually went through when becoming the way I am, my own monster" oneshot


_**Hey everyone, it's been a long time since I've actually wrote a story about well anything, so I'm a little rusty. I have previously made a Twilight fanfic about Jasper Hale, however I have moved on and have chosen to write a story about our beloved Jacob Black. This takes place in an alternative universe during New Moon and later Eclipse, all from Jake's point of view. I was going to focus on the struggles that he went through learning about his family's secret and actually becoming a shifter. Like I said this story is in an alternative world, however you may see some things that stick to the original storyline, this is so I can work other characters like Bella in. **_

_**I know this chapter isn't long, but I just wanted to get the feel of the character.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the idea of Twilight and I do not claim that I do. The Twilight saga and all character's in my story expect OC's belong to Stephenie Meyer. The title of this story and lyrics portrayed go to the song 'Breathe me' by Sia. My muse for this story   
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_**This story begins with Jake's first encounter with his genetic gene of becoming a shifter.**_

_**Rating will go up in later chapters.  
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_**I hope you enjoy. =3  
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_"Be my friend, hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me, I am small and needy. Warm me up and breathe me..."_

My heart hurt, it felt as if it were about to burst from my chest as it pounded mercilessly against my, what felt like, frail rib cage. My breath was caught in my throat, behind a swollen sore lump that threatened to suffocate me. It felt as if my legs had become jelly and were about to give way beneath me, I had no control over my body. Worthless, pathetic, panicked I couldn't describe the emotions that ran through me like wild fire, the heat rising quickly through my body, burning me, scorching me. I couldn't stand it I wanted to scream, I wanted to rip and tear at something I wanted to kick my legs out in a feverish fit of rage and pain. My teeth were clenched tightly together, I could feel the sweat swelling on my face, dripping from my pores, collecting in droplets before the weight of salted water and gravity dragged them down my forehead. Why was this happening, what in the world was going on? I couldn't comprehend the pain, didn't understand. My eyes stung with unshed tears as I stumbled blindly down the small hallway of my home towards my bedroom, the walls blurred as I reached out blindly for support. I wanted, no I _needed_ help, I wanted to shout out to my Dad, but no words would leave my lips but a strangled cry that I didn't even recognise.

I continued forward in my disorientated state, my eyes falling in and out of focus as I tripped and fell into my bedroom, leaving the door wide open. Falling to my knees I crawled helplessly across the wooden floorboards, sliding over loose clothes and the small fading rug that decorated the room. My stomach turned and twisted into a painful knot as if someone had stabbed me and ripped the knife aggressively in and out of my torso. I closed my eyes, shutting them tight, scrunching them up against the pain. One hand clutched my stomach, my fingers digging into the skin, my nails scratching at the flesh as if subconsciously I was trying to distract myself from the overbearing pain that racked my body. With my other hand I reached out and grasped the sheets of my bed between my trembling fingers, I needed to get on the bed but I didn't know why. I just wanted to lie down and hopefully this would all be over soon.

My breath fell in ragged waves, as I tried to pull in the much needed oxygen into my aching lungs. The tears finally spilling over and sliding down my cheeks. It felt as if I was trying to crawl over millions of needles or shattered glass as I finally pulled myself from the floor and up onto my lumpy, but familiar, mattress falling heavily onto my back. My gray sleeveless shirt sticking to my, now, sweat covered body, the fabric soaking in the salty liquid. I _had_ to be sick, I _just had_ to be. Dad had to call an ambulance, I needed someone, anyone. Where was Embry when I actually wanted the boy to drop in unexpectedly or even Quil. The pain that I felt at this very moment made me physically ill, with both my hands now clutching my torso I turned on my side and heaved up the contents of my stomach onto the bedroom floor, my body convulsing as it forced everything up and onto the wooden floorboards below me.

Falling back against my mattress, I arched up involuntary and finally let out a strained scream. Profanity left my lips as I withered on my sheets, twisting as if I were trying to desperately separate myself from my body. Another agonising yell escaped me as I turned on my side, curling myself up into a ball on my now sticky bed. The familiar sound of rubber wheels on the floor met my ears, causing them to prickle slightly, _finally_ he had heard me.

**"Jake!"** Came my father's stunned and mortified tone from the entrance to my small room. I wanted to answer him I wanted to string together a coherent sentence that communicated that I wanted him to call an ambulance, that I wanted a strong hit of morpheme or one hundred pain killers. But the only sounds that continued to leave my stricken lungs where horrific screams of pain as I rolled about on my bed. It was as if I was possessed, like someone was trying to enter my body by slicing me open, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes to wear me as a skin. A disgusting human flesh coat.

**"Fu - Dad!"** I managed to strangle out, my eyes still shut tight against the pain.

**"It's okay son, it'll be over soon"** My father cooed from the door before rolling back out of the room. _Where_ was he going? Wasn't he going to _help_ me, his own son? Another throaty scream left my lips, this time a tone of desperation mingled with the sickening screams. Was I dying? Was this the end of me, Jacob Black, the once healthy sixteen year old that would have at this very moment loved to have been outside in his garage, hanging with Bella. I didn't understand what had went wrong, only a few minutes ago I had been outside with my father, casually chatting about cars and mechanics when he had sprung on me that I wasn't allowed to see Bella again. Anger had suddenly flared in me and I found myself yelling at my father, degrading him, telling him that his decisions no longer applied to me, that I was my own person. And the next thing I knew I was here, suffering this unexplainable pain.

What felt like hours passed, though I'm sure they were only minutes, before the sound of muffled foot steps reached my ears, voices mixed together their tones calm and controlled. I wanted to know so desperately what was going on, heavy thudding entered my room, realising that someone had entered, hoping that it was a paramedic I opened my aching eyes, my blurred vision resting on a dark figure before me. I recognized him instantly, Sam, and before I knew it his hand snaked forward and grasped my chin in his strong calloused fingers, holding me still before wrenching my jaw open violently and stuffing something solid and small into my mouth

**"Swallow it Jake"** He order firmly his tone taking one of authority, though still unusually clam for a situation such as this.

I didn't know what to do, the pain was intense, and I certainly couldn't swallow anything in my state. Roughly I tried to pull away from Sam jerking my head back suddenly. However his grip only became tighter around my jaw, his fingers now digging deeply into my skin. My mouth refused to work, I began to try and spit whatever it was out of my mouth, saliva coming with it as I gagged on the object, my throat closing up in my distressed state. Roughly Sam placed his other hand over my mouth, holding in the small hard object. My eyes snapped up to glare at him; panic once again flooded my system causing my nerves to spike uncontrollably. I began to thrash around on my bed, trying to free myself, the pain still apparent as I wildly tried to get away

**"Swallow it!"** Sam yelled in my face as the sound of sudden movement behind him caught my attention. Paul and Jared it seemed had rushed into the room, both of which lunched themselves at me, holding my jerking movements down, pinning me, arms, legs and all to my own bed. I felt sick, I felt dizzy, I felt the need to throw up again as Sam continued to hold his hand over my mouth. The pain eating away at my vision

**"It's alright son, just swallow the pill"** Came my father's voice from somewhere at the entrance of my room.

I could feel myself giving in, feel as my body began to shut itself down, protecting itself against the pain. With saliva leaking down the side of my mouth and over my chin, from underneath Sam's hand. I finally allowed myself to swallow the pill, convulsing slightly at first, shuddering, before the smooth capsule slid down my throat in a fluid motion. My body relaxed, my tense muscles going limp against the mattress as Sam, Paul and Jared released me. My eyes felt suddenly heavy, as they drifted about the room, my chest rising and falling rapidly before slowing to a rhythmic pattern, my body still ached though most of the pain had finally gone away, leaving only needle sharp stabs of pain to scatter randomly over my body, causing me to twitch. My breath fell in long waves as my vision finally rested on Sam, my brow creasing as I tried to glare up at him. Sweat still dripping down my face and now sticky saliva down my chin. I wanted to speak to him, tell him off, I opened my mouth but only a small incoherent croak came out

**"Welcome to the group"** Sam said as he wiped his hand on his pant leg, his tone not at all inviting. Confused my eyes searched for my fathers, only to find him the furthest away from me. My brain felt heavy, and I knew I couldn't keep my eyes open much long. I was stunned to see my father's impassive face, his jelly eyes staring almost straight through me.

I would never be able to explain in words the feelings that swelled in me those few gut-wrenching seconds that my father had no words of his own to comfort me. I wanted to die in that moment, I wanted this all to be over so i didn't have to go through the pain again, not have to go through the pain of not seeing Bella anymore.

Whatever Sam had given me, it was certainly working wonders before I knew it my eyes had closed involuntarily, my head falling limp against my pillow my mind drifting from my body, escaping my confusing reality for a place where I could seek comfort, somewhere full of deep drown eyes, dark hair, soft pink lips and pale-white beautiful skin.

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_**Thank you for reading, I'll try and get another chapter done soon because I'm on holidays I have a bit of spare time on my hands. At the moment I do not have a Beta Reader, however I would really appreciate one. So if you're interested at all just let me know (:**_

_**I would also like to point out I'm from Australia and that we do spell things differently here.  
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_**Any comments are welcomed, however I do not tolerate flaming or abuse from anyone. **_

_**Danny Wilde.**_


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